Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom review: No, really, do not look at the dinosaur park


As a massive dinosaur fan, when the first Jurassic World came out I gave it a very long and fairly detailed review. I think it is only fair that its sequel gets the same treatment.

Here we go.

This movie is shit.*

The end.

*There is not one single scene where a dinosaur is not crying in pain, hurt, distressed or killed. It’s dinosaur torture porn. So if you actually like dinosaurs, it’s not a fun experience.

If you fucking hate dinosaurs though and want to see them shot, stabbed, mutilated, their teeth ripped out, burnt alive, drowning in water, drowning in lava, caged, choked, gassed, shackled, exploited, terrified and afraid then…. boy is this the movie for you!

There is a scene where the famous amber-tipped cane of John Hammond shatters on the floor, and I think that’s a very apt image for this movie. It also features the complete annihilation of the original Jurassic Park island, which is again very fitting. And let’s not forget, all of the above torture is happening mostly to the original prehistoric inhabitants of Jurassic Park, the stars of the first movie. The Brachiosaurus was the first dinosaur we ever saw on Isla Nublar, and it was also the last. But whereas its first appearence was full of hope and natural wonder, it’s final one was hellish and sends a very different message.

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